


A Court of Curses and Death

by OfFaeriesandElves



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-08-24 21:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16647812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfFaeriesandElves/pseuds/OfFaeriesandElves
Summary: "And I'd endure every second of it over again so I could find you." Feyre has awoken in the forest where she killed that first faerie. She's unsure if she's dreaming or if the entire debacle with Tamlin and Rhys was the dream. Very quickly Feyre realizes this dream is very much like the first dream but why is she repeating the past?





	1. Real or Not Real?

**Author's Note:**

> This story has bitten me and won't let go. Let me know your thoughts. 
> 
> Also side note this is also posted over on FF.net under a different pen name
> 
> Also this is my first story posted on this website and I'm still learning the formatting.

Feyre 

I sat up with a start. Snow covered trees surrounded her. I was in a tree with a strung bow. I was in the woods and not just any woods. I knew these woods well, too well. My heart pounded in my chest and I reached a hand up to my ears. The tips were round not pointy. Something was wrong. I was human again. I was in these woods. In this tree. 

It was a dream. I pinched myself and flinched. What if this wasn’t a dream? Icy wind bit into my face. I unstrung the bow and climbed out of the tree as I had before. I moved next to the river as my thoughts raced. It wouldn’t be long and then I’d see the deer and then the faerie wolf. Oh by the cauldron could I kill him again? Could I go with Tamlin? 

What the hell was going on? Why was I here? I had forgotten how thin I’d been before and how weak. Had something happened? It all felt real but most of my nightmares did. I saw and heard it all just as I had the first time — the howling wind, the snow that mesmerizing and lethal. The bushes rustled and I pulled by bow just as I had the first time. I saw the doe and my mouth watered again. My eyes shifted to where the wolf prowled. Everything I’d gone through flashed through my mind. I’d regretted killing him and the faeries under the mountain but here I was again. No. I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it again. I forced the bow down.

_Rhys. Rhysand._

Where was Rhys? My mate. Where was my mate? If this wasn’t a dream…then Rhys was in Amarantha’s clutches. I would do this for him and only him. I raised the bow again replaced the ordinary arrow with the ash arrow and released the ash arrow. I watched him whirl towards me and wait for me to kill him. He’d come here to die. Then I drew the next arrow and knocked it before it sunk into his eye. He collapsed and so did I. I was not the hateful mortal girl I had been the first time. It was the pathetic pawing at the ground that shook me to the core. Could I skin him? Oh Caldron. No I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. 

I stood on shaky legs and moved to him he was dead now. I could wake up now. Rhys shake me awake. But I didn’t wake from the nightmare not that this was my usual sort of nightmare. 

I took a deep breath and skinned the wolf just in case Tamlin didn’t come. 

When I returned to the cottage the same things happened. Elain’s gasp. The questions. I forgot the annoyance of it all and it hit me like a pile of bricks. 

“Will it take you long to clean it?”

“Feyre.” My father’s deep rumble shook me to the core. If this wasn’t a nightmare. If this was a curse of some sort … or perhaps the entire life I’d lived in Prythian had been the dream. It was possible. I’d woken up in that tree. I could have just fallen asleep. I was so tired I could barely stand. 

“We can eat half the meat this wee,” I said, shifting my gaze to the doe. Yes this was real. Tamlin, Lucien, Rhys, Mor, Amren, Cassian and Azriel had all been the dream. I felt empty. It’d been a nightmare. I’d gone through hell for Tamlin. Then Rhys had put me back together. But it’d been a nightmare. A nightmare that had felt so real. “We can dry the other half. And I’ll go to the market tomorrow to see how much I can get for the hides.” 

I looked at my father’s ruined leg that was stretched out before him. Then the fire and felt myself deflate again. I looked down at the table and at the flowers I’d painted. I remembered Rhys’ words about the dreams. The dream of me painting the flowers. He’s probably not even real I reminded myself. But what if he did exist in Prythian? Maybe he wasn’t cursed under the mountain but maybe he did exist. It didn’t matter if he did I reminded myself again. If he was real then he was immortal and I was not. 

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said with a sigh. 

“I need a new pair of boots.” 

Here they went. Just like in the dream. 

“But I’m freezing with raggedy old cloak,” Elain pleaded. “I’ll shiver to death.” Then turned her eyes on me. “Please, Feyre.” 

Nesta clicked her tongue then ordered her to shut up. I drowned them out as father stood and inspected the deer then the wolf pelt. His dark eyes met mine. “Feyre. Where did you get this?” 

“The same place I got the deer,” I said. 

It went on and on just like it had in my dream. Then I got into it with Nesta just as I had and that’s when I questioned what was real and what was a dream.

****

Just as the night before the day progressed just as it had in my dream or nightmare whatever you wanted to call it. The arguing, the children of blessed and the mercenary. 

“What is your business with me, girl?” 

I eyed her and she was just as I remembered from my dream. “I have a wolf pelt and a doe hide for sale. I thought you might be interested in purchasing them.” 

“You steal them?” 

“No.” I held her stare. “I hunted them myself. I swear it.” 

The conversation went on and on right down to, “doesn’t seem like a faerie, though.” 

That was it. Either Rhys and all of it had been real or I was having a serious case of déjà vu. I thought back over the dream-nightmare but couldn’t remember anything about going back in town. Fear gripped my heart as I thought of Amarantha. If she was real and she had cursed them. If only I could talk to Rhys but the bond it wasn’t there. Or at least I couldn’t sense it in my mortal magic less body. Assuming he was real. 

So I was back to assuming he was real? Assuming I was repeating the worst year of my life? I had once told Rhys I would do it all again to find him. Well here I was. After Nesta clamped down on my arm and I found Isaac there. What was I supposed to do? Rhys would still be servicing Amarantha but he didn’t have a choice I did. 

I went with him but made excuses of being tired before I returned home. Then dinner passed and I waited and as I turned to her the roar I would know from anywhere filled my ears. Tamlin. And for the first time in a long time I was happy to see him even if he was in the beast form. He roared the bit about murders but I wondered if he remember anything. Was it just me? What about Rhys? 

“P-please,” my father babbled. “Whatever we have done, we did so unknowingly and —”

“W-w-we didn’t kill anyone,” Nesta added, choking on her sobs. 

“WHO KILLED HIM?” 

Tamlin went on to describe the wolf. 

I repeated the same lines I’d said before, “If it was mistakenly killed what payment could we offer in exchange?” 

Tamlin let out a bark. “The payment you must offer is the one demanded by the Treaty between our realms.” 

“For a wolf?” 

“Who killed the wolf?” 

I stared into his eyes. “I did.” 

I watched as he blinked and looked at my sisters. It was exactly the same as last time. “Surely you lie to save them.” 

“We didn’t kill anything! Please… _please_ , spare us!” Elain sobbed and Nesta hushed her despite her own sobbing.

“I killed it. I sold its hide at the market today. If I had known it was a faerie, I wouldn’t have touched it.” 

“Liar,” he snarled. “You knew. you would have been more tempted to slaughter it had you know it was one of my kind.” 

I couldn’t tell him that I hadn’t wanted to kill him but had thought it was all part of a nightmare. “Can you blame me?” 

“Did it attack you? Were you provoked?” 

It went on and on until he said the lie about the treaty. He needed any excuse to take me back to the spring court and romance me. My fathers words cut me deeper than I remember them hurting before when he told me not to return. Then I was sure to annoy him with my questions until his magic swept over me and the blackness swallowed me. 

_Rhys._


	2. Chapter Two: What is going on?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhysand wakes up next to Amarantha and dreams of Feyre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a struggle so please excuse the pacing issues. Also I'm looking for a Beta Reader.

Rhysand

I awoke with a jolt and looked to my left to Feyre. Only it wasn’t Feyre next to me. My throat closed at the sight of the red hair spread across the pillow. I stood and winnowed to my room. I took a deep breath and then another. Had I dreamt all of it? Perhaps it’d been her dream. The human I’d been dreaming of but no that couldn’t be. She didn’t know me and she definitely didn’t know about Velaris. I strained to remember the end of the dream but all I remembered was going to sleep next to Feyre. 

Regardless of whether I was cursed or dreaming I was under this mountain again. The bond was gone and I couldn’t speak to Feyre. She was _human_. Breakable and mortal. This was a nightmare. I’d wake up soon or Feyre would wake me up. Regardless it was a nightmare. I stared at the hearth and remembered how Feyre had been digging through the ashes. Oh my Feyre. My mate. 

I didn’t wake up. 

Morning came and I made my appearance in the throne room. Nothing remarkable happened until evening came and Amarantha required my services. I thought I would be sick. Everything I had done under this mountain to protect Velaris and my court came flashing back to my mind. The minds I’d turned to mush. The lives I’d taken. Feyre. 

Feyre was alive. Or at least I hoped she was. Without the bond I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t check on her. 

“Rhys,” Amarantha purred. Oh by the cauldron. I had to do this if only for Feyre. 

It was almost unbearable. Almost. I thought of Feyre the entire time. Of her eyes. Of her smile. Of those water wolves. Of her throwing a shoe at my head. It wasn’t until Amarantha was satisfied that I retreated to my room and tried to figure out why the hell I was back under this wretched mountain. Why was Amaranth alive? 

And Feyre? Where was she now? How far down the timeline were they? _Feyre. Feyre. Feyre._ I was here almost fifty years before Feyre had been brought to Prythian. I supposed I would figure it out soon enough based off the assignments Amarantha gave me. What day was it? 

_She was running. Hard and fast. She couldn’t look back. The Bogge would get her. A woman pressing a knife to her throat._

I jolted up in bed with only a brief glance at Amarantha. Feyre was in Prythian. I wanted to take off running for the Spring Court right then and there. My mate was alive. Tamlin. Did she remember me? Feyre. Feyre. _Feyre._

I sighed as I thought over what was to come. If I wanted Feyre as my mate she would have to endure it all again. I would have to endure it all again. And if she didn’t remember me? I’d have to go through the whole she loves him thing again. Fire night. I would see her on fire night and I’d know. 

In Amarantha’s throne room later I found myself face to face with a citizen of the nightmare court. It felt terrible to be invading another mind but I had to protect Velaris. Not to mention Azriel,Mor,Amren and Cassian. I missed my friends. My family. Being back here in this mountain it was harder than the first time. The first time I wasn’t sure I would ever see them again but now I had these memories of months spent with them after Amarantha’s defeat. And yet here I stood combing through a mind and wiping away any knowledge of Velaris. 

The dreams continued night after night. Then the sight of unlit bonfires washed over me. It was time for Calanmai. It was time to see Feyre. I did as I had before I serviced Amarantha before I made my request or suggestion. 

“I want to go to Calanmai tomorrow night and see if anyone shows up to conspire with Tamlin,” I said. Amarantha looked at me and her lips pursed as she considered. 

“Bring back any traitors you find,” she said after several long moments. 

The next day dragged by as I couldn’t wait until I saw Feyre. My mate. I winnowed an hour after sunset so I wouldn’t appear over anxious to leave the mountain. I wouldn’t fly even though my wings itched to feel air underneath them. I strolled through the crowd of fae and took a long sniff. There I smelt her. She smelt different as human.I’d almost forgotten. As a human she smelt more like paint as if she bathed in the stuff. As fae she smelt of fresh air and pine needles. 

I followed her scent and found her surrounded by the three fae. 

“Stop it,” Feyre said. She backed away from them and pushed as she tried to escape. She thrashed and one gave her a shove. She staggered back falling as her hands reached for something. I caught her before she hit the grass and set her up right. 

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you,” I said. Please remember me Feyre. Please. But she didn’t look at me only at the other three faeries. “Thank you for finding her for me. Enjoy the rite.” 

The faeries scattered without a comment. I scented them but it was hardly necessary I knew where they would be. Everything was happening like it had before. Dream or no dream they would be there. 

_He’s just as beautiful as I remember._

She remembered. My heart leapt. 

“Feyre,” I said. 

“Rhys,” she whispered. Her eyes darted across my face and down my neck. “You remember?” 

“How could I forget my mate?” 

“But what is going on? Why are we repeating this?” 

“I don’t know. Everything is happening the same as it did before.” I offered my hand to her and she took it instantly. I pulled her away from the rite. 

“Can you remember anything from before you woke up?” she asked. Her eyes didn’t leave my face and mine didn’t leave hers. I wanted to kiss her but I couldn’t. Tamlin would smell me all over her if I wasn’t careful. 

“All I remember was going to sleep in the town house,” I said. 

“I have to die again,” she said. Feyre finally looked away from my face and towards the ground. My grip tightened around her fingers. She winced. “I’m not fae that hurts.” 

“Sorry,” I said and relaxed my grip. “I wish there was another way.” 

“What about afterwards? Do I have to go back with him? Do I have to wait for you to barge in the wedding?” 

“I hardly barged in. I winnowed in and you called for help. I came to your rescue.” 

Feyre smiled. “So maybe you did.” 

“Feyre,” I breathed. “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you.” 

“I know, me too, but Tamlin. He has to love me enough to send me away and he’ll smell you.” Feyre paused. “We still don’t know why we’re here and Tamlin doesn’t remember a thing. Neither did my sisters.” 

“So we’re the only ones who remember? Maybe it’s another curse.” 

“I guess we’ll see what happens when we break Amarantha’s curse,” Feyre said. “You’re taking me back to that house.” 

“Are you handling being there all right?” I asked and scanned her body. She did look a little thin but she’d been thin the first time. 

“Yes. I’ve only been sick once. And at least I don’t have magic flying out of control.” 

“I don’t want you near the rite or Tamlin near your neck,” I admitted. 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love you always,” I said. It took every inch of willpower not to kiss her right then and there. I’d get my chance to redo that kiss under the mountain after all. 

“I should get in there before Tamlin catches my scent,” she said and released my hand. She took a step back and turned away to walk towards the manor. Then her hair was flying through the air and she lunged at me. She wrapped her arms around my middle and warmth filled me. My arms cradled her against my chest. She was so breakable as a human I had to be careful even hugging her. 

“I’m sorry,” she said into my shirt. 

“Never be sorry.” 

“Are you…are you handling the mountain all right?” she asked and looked up from my chest.

“It was hard at first but I just think of you and it’s bearable.” I almost pressed a kiss to her hair but somehow restrained myself. 

“I’m sorry you’re stuck under there,” she said. 

“We’ll be stuck there together soon,” I said. I’d live under that mountain forever if it meant I got to see Feyre even one more time.

“I’ll see you soon?”

“When I terrify Tamlin into sending you away,” I said. “I’ll be sent out to deliver some gifts between now and then.” 

“Are you really going to put your claws in my mind?” I ignore the thoughts racing through her mind that were practically yelling at me. 

“If I don’t your reaction won’t be real and Tamlin might not send you away.” I paused and looked at her. “I’ll be glad when you have a shield again. Your thoughts are delightfully wicked.” 

“You know what they say about mates,” she purred. Cauldron I want to taste her. I wonder what she tastes like as a human. 

“Try not to be bitten by Tamlin tonight,” I said and stepped back before I lost control. “I have some faeries to hunt.” 

“Bye Rhys.” 

“Goodbye Feyre darling,” I said and winked at her. 


	3. Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre reacts to the blood left in the garden and things begin to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, still looking for a Beta reader.

Feyre

Reliving events for a second time was boring. I had never realized how not knowing what a day would bring is what made life interesting. In fact I wished I didn’t know what was coming and not because of the horrors of the mountain but because I just wanted to hide in my room and not come out. I didn’t want Tamlin to fall in love with me and I only wanted Rhysand. So I tried to forget but I couldn’t. I let the days run one into the others until a head stared back at me in the garden. 

I blinked. How long ago had Rhys left it there? I looked around as if he would jump out from behind a bush. But there was no sign of him. I turned back to the head and spotted the note a foot away from it. I jumped forward and closed my fingers around it.I shoved the note into my pocket as I stared at the head with his mouth still opened and the brown eyes. Part of me had forgotten the things Rhys had to do to keep those he loved safe. I took a step back away from the head and slammed into Tamlin. I whirled. 

“It’s me,” he said. I dropped my hands. Lucien stood beside him with that pale and grim face. 

“Not Autumn Court,” he said. “I don’t recognize him at all.” 

Tamlin’s hands clamped on my shoulders as I turned back to look at Rhysand’s handiwork. 

“Neither do I.” 

I watched Lucien as he stepped into the pool of blood and I swallowed. The blood. Oh Caludron the blood. And then something changed. I lost it. I barely heard their words. 

“A mountain with three stars--” 

“Night Court.” 

“Feyre?”

All I saw was blood. Blood on my hands and the ground and on Lucien. I tried to stagger back but Tamlin was still there with a tight hold on my shoulders. “What’s wrong with her?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe mortals minds can’t handle this kind of horror?”

Everything went black. 

I woke up in my room alone. At least Tamlin had blamed my mental breakdown on being mortal and not asking why the hell she had such a reaction to the sight of blood.I pulled the note from pocket and looked down at it. I saw the elegant script of my mate but I couldn’t read it. I squinted at it but I couldn’t read. Despite remembering my lessons with Rhys I couldn’t read again. Well, this was just great. I had a note from him that I couldn’t read but Tamlin could or anyone else if they found it. I’d have to burn it. 

I pushed myself from bed and stumbled towards the fire. I squatted in front of the fire and held my fist out but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I pulled back my hand and stood up. I needed to read this note. 

I stuffed the note into my pocket and walked out of my room. The hall was empty and I walked down the dark hall and found my way to the library. Inside the library I picked up one of the children’s books and stumbled through it one word at a time until I could read it without staring at a particular word for more than a minute. It didn’t take long for me to grow frustrated. It was taking me too long. It’d take me weeks to get back to where I’d been before I’d left the Spring Court. I pulled the note out of my pocket again and stared at it. 

_I’m sorry you —_ that was all I could read. I sighed. I should just burn it before it was accidentally found. I returned to my room and this time I let the paper slip from my fingers and into the flames. I watched as the flames licked the paper and it turned brown then black. When the only thing that remained of the note was ash I climbed back into bed and sobbed. They would think it was from seeing the head and the blood. In reality it was being separated from my mate and having to endure these events again. That’s when I realized something had changed. 

The door opened and Tamlin stood there wide eyed. This was new too. I needed to talk to Rhys. What if Amarantha didn’t send him and Tamlin didn’t send me away? 

“Feyre, I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” 

“You are human,” he said as if this explained it. 

“Humans aren’t as weak as you think,”I said. “I’ve just not been myself since I came here.” 

Tamlin stared at me and then in a low whisper said, “I know.” 

I stared at him and blinked. Did he mean…? “Know what?” 

“I know you’re not weak. You’re far from it.” I blinked again. “Feyre I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” My heart thudded in my chest as he took a step closer. Did he remember after all? Perhaps we were all cursed. 

“I’m sorry I acted the way I did. When I woke up in a house full of servants I thought…I thought I was getting a chance to try again and to fix where I’d gone wrong. Perhaps I could win you this time.” 

_Perhaps I could win you this time._

I was not a prize. I was not his prize. 

“You remember,” I whispered. 

“How could I forget what we went through?” he asked and took a step closer.

“Stay back,” I said and pulled my knees to my chest. 

“Fey-re,” the last syllable broke off in an almost sob. 

“Tamlin. I don’t know why the hell we’re back here but I still love Rhys. I will die for him and I know you’re sorry but you locked me up after what I went through down there. Maybe you were just trying to protect me but I’m not your prize. I’m not anyones prize.” 

“Feyre, I’m sorry. I was just as broken as you after Amarantha.” 

“Yes, but instead of us healing together you gave up on me and locked me up like some weak human. I loved you and you gave up on me. I went through hell for you.” 

“I know,” he covered his mask with his hands and weeped. I took a breath and calmed my temper. “I just want to earn your forgiveness.” 

I stilled. Forgiveness. As if I could forgive what he’d done. It wasn’t just the fact of locking me up in this house but he’d traded those I loved in a deal with Hybern to get me back. My stomach tightened and I thought I’d be sick for a moment before the nausea passed. At least I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

“One day I may be able to forgive you but that day is not today. “ 

“Did something happen with Rhysand? Why are we back here?” Tamlin asked and dropped his hands from his face. 

“I can’t remember anything,” I said and hugged myself. “Does Lucien remember?” 

“Yes, but you’d played your part so well we thought you couldn’t remember a thing. I’ve been holding him back from going to get Elain since we woke up the first day here.” 

_Elain._

Elain would never be fae if Tamlin didn’t betray us. If he planned to fix some of his mistakes this might be one of them. Perhaps it was for the best for Nesta though. But if Elain was never fae then Lucien would have to live without his mate. Not that their relationship had gone anywhere in the past months. 

“Feyre,” Tamlin said and stepped closer. 

“Tamlin…please go.” 

He hesitated and then claws poking out of his hands he left the room. I took a deep breath. I needed Rhysand. Two days and I’d see him again. But the next two days seemed to drag by with Tamlin going to the border to deal with whatever it was at the border causing problems. Likely Amarantha or Rhysand. The summer solstice came but I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to get dressed or spend time with Tamlin but perhaps it would give us time to talk and close up loose ends. Or at least form a plan for Amarantha because she was alive again. That alone was problem enough.

“Again I have to say —you look positively fae,” Lucien said but didn’t whistle. 

“You two know you might be ruining the future by not saying and acting the same,” I said. 

“Oops?” 

“Come on,” Tamlin said and offered his hand. I took it for appearance sake but all I could think about was tomorrow. I would see Rhysand tomorrow. 


End file.
